Christmastime is Here

Yes, the season is again upon us. My favorite part of the holiday season is the music. Unfortunately, it's also my least favorite part. I love turning on the radio to hear a great arrangement of a Christmas tune.

But then- the next song is something atrocious, like the one I heard last night- "The hat I got for Christmas is too big". I just sat there, staring incredulously at the radio speakers, wishing so hard to make it end, but also too much in shock to actually reach for the power button. Some guy with a horribly fake Mexican accent was lamenting the fact that Santa had brought him the wrong size sombrero. Excuse me while I gag. It's bad enough that Grandma got run over by a reindeer, but now this?!

Basically, when it comes to real Christmas music, I have two rules:

1. Do it right. Traditional songs, in a relatively traditional manner, preferably the original. Don't just be another voice doing the same song the same way with some generic background music and a few soulful riffs. I'll undoubtedly compare to the original, and you'll fail miserably.
OR
2. Do it completely differently. Make it so unique that I recognize the song, recognize its link to the season, but it has its own character. For example: Mannheim Steamroller and/or Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Pretty much anything by Andy Williams. Winter Wonderland done by Avalon. Let It Snow done by Gloria Estefan. Or (going out on a limb here) Deck the Halls done by She-Daisy. Most of the music we did for our Christmas show a couple years ago. Good stuff!

I'm sick of mediocre music, or ridiculous music like the sombrero song. Next to rampant commercialism, it's what disgusts me about Christmas.

I guess I'm just Picky.

But it felt good to rant, just a little bit. Now, I'm off to listen to my carefully-selected playlist of holiday music :)

A break!!

So- I finally have a much-needed break for awhile. It hasn't really sunk in yet, and I still will have quite a bit to do, but my huge presentation is OVER!!!

I might venture into the world of gluten-free baking. I may take a trip to the health food store tomorrow to stock up on all the weird flours I can find.

I'm a little scared. I used to be a decent baker (I mean, come on, I did win a few awards in 4H back in the day), but I am completely inexperienced when it comes to GF baking. At least I'll have some sort of a guide, between the Gluten Free Girl blog and some of Bette Hagman's books.
And where the heck do I find sorghum flour?! Guess I better start looking for it while I'm still living in the "big" city.

I'll let you know how it goes...

It's cold.

That's about it. It's cold. I hate being cold. Yuck.

Time for a cup of tea?

C is for Cookie

I tried Pamela's Products Chocolate Chunk cookie mix yesterday.

Procrastination cookies, more or less. I used to make a lot of stress and procrastination cookies. How things have changed...

My hankering for cookies started during THE game (which ended up not being that exciting anyway), so I decided that instead of working on my presentation(s), cookies were in order. Given that I haven't had the time or the ingredients to try any of Bette Hagman's promising recipes yet, the mix was calling my name from the pantry.

I'd probably end up giving it a 3.5. Not essential, but a HECK of a lot better than the horrible sand cookies I made earlier this year. A little crunchy for my taste, and still a hint of sand-like quality, but they tasted good. Especially warm. It's been a loooong time since I've had a freshly-baked cookie.

My dear hubby tried them and told me that they were gross. But- his mom is the best cookie baker I know, and he is used to wonderful gluten-filled creations that he can eat.

That's ok then, more for me.

Gluten Free Dreams

Nope, not posting about my dreams about being GF. Those are more like nightmares anyway. This is about a chocolate cake mix I just made, by Gluten Free Dreams.

First bite- pretty good, mostly impressed by the texture, BUT it has a funny taste. It almost tastes like burning. I'm certain I didn't burn it at all, and the edges surprisingly have less of the questionable taste. It's not bad once you get used to it and realize that it's not actually burned. Frosting is definitely essential.

I'd have to give it a 4. Not quite as amazing as Pamela's sour cream recipe, but decent. I can deal with it.

Of course, I just made cake in accordance to my craving, and then had a duh moment as it was cooling when I realized that I still have most of a yummy cheesecake to eat up in my fridge. Yikes. I'm going to be fat!

I'm still here

Don't worry, I'm still here. Just trying to figure out my health situation. I think I'll just stop speculating for awhile and wait for my next doctor's appointment... SO until next month, I am hopefully signing off of the health updates.

However- I'll still try to update some, but be warned that I will probably either be just posting info on food or using this as my personal soapbox...

I'm really craving chocolate cake. Heck, I'm just craving food lately. I don't get a whole lot of chances to eat during the day, which has totally been screwing with my hunger schedule. I think I was hungry for about anything possible. Except when I saw some really, really nasty things today. Then I was glad I hadn't eaten anything. I'm currently rounding with the infectious disease doctor, so use your imagination. (For my mom's sake, I won't give details!)

Anyway, I apologize for the continued randomness. Maybe from now on, I'll stick to a topic or something.

I'm off to go procrastinate and bake a cake. Then, maybe I'll get some work done.

Are you serious?

Got a voicemail from the doctor's office last week. Apparently my tTG titers are now higher than before. That's not supposed to happen. It was supposed to be positive reinforcement to continue to eat like a nut case.

This will warrant more investigation. Many possible reasons, including some sort of lab error (it's a send-out, and I went to a different lab...).

I'll keep you posted.

Pun intended.

"Quick" Note

Hi there-

Just had to post. If you know me, you probably know that I can often be the "grammar and spelling police". I'm the kid who inadvertently proofreads the bulletin during church. If I find an error on a test, I have to correct it before I can even reread the question. Of course, you all have to deal with my incorrect grammar on this blog, but it's my prerogative. Like my famous run-on sentences and fragments. And dangling participles. And whatnot.

If any of you are anal like me, I thought you might get a kick out of this blog I just "happened" to find:

Quotations

I laughed out loud. It's so "me". I may not be a grammar expert, but blatant disregard for the English language drives me nuts. Maybe I'll post again on my current favorite/most annoying language issue...

Enjoy!

I fell...

Off the bandwagon, with the coffee thing. I drank some today, after almost a month without. It was alright.

I awoke my coffeemaker from its two month hibernation to find that it had developed a "funk". That musty, acrid smell of coffee buildup. Ick. I had to descale it with vinegar before I even tried to make a cup. I think it helped a little, but my coffee still wasn't quite up to standard. It had a faint taste of moldiness. Nevertheless, it was a nice homecoming, what with the vanilla fake creamer and such.

(Random thought- why doesn't anyone make a flavored creamer product that is actually derived from cream? I can't find any in the grocery stores around here.)

I even had to make a special trip on my way home from work today just to get the creamer. But it was worth it. Even the quizzical look I got from the cashier when I paid for my solitary creamer bottle.

It's good to be back. Now, I'm going to try moderation again and see how that goes...

Coffee coffee coffee!!!

I haven't had coffee in a couple weeks now.

I know, I didn't think I could do it either.

Mom and I had some uh, severe gastrointestinal disturbances after drinking some decaf while we scrapbooked. She blamed it on the coffee, even though it was decaf. From then on, we made a pact to not drink any coffee, caff or decaf.... I was thinking we might try it for a few weeks, but she said three months. Yikes.

I have noticed somewhat of a difference since giving it up altogether. That doesn't mean that I don't miss it though. Pretty much everyone knows that I love coffee. My adorable aunt-in-law gave me a coffee book with gift cards for different coffee shops for my birthday, and I thought it was an awesome idea! (I might steal the idea someday for a friend...) My kitchen rug has coffee cups on it. I used to go hang out at a nearby coffee shop to study before tests, partly for coffee and partly because the rest of my classmates were there to make me feel better about the test. We mostly sat around comparing how little we felt we'd studied.

I wasn't all fanatic about it like my one friend who grinds his own coffee beans and such, but I do love coffee. And I miss it so.

Now I'm off to have some tea...

whoa.

Heh heh heh.... just looked at my ER bill. I'm almost speechless. That's a LOT of money for a set of vitals, a urinalysis, a complete metabolic profile, a CBC, and 10 minutes with a doctor. Holy crap. I was expecting a bill, but NOT like that. Nothing was diagnosed!!! Nothing was treated!!! I can only imagine the medical bills for people who are actually sick. Wow. I'm in shock.

Thank the Lord for insurance. Softens the blow considerably. But still... I'm such a tightwad, so I'm naturally upset at the ridiculousness of it.

Fractions

Just wanted to note that I am now 2/8 done with my rotations! It sounds better, though, if I make it 1/4. I'm 1/4 of the way done with my last year of school!

This month went really fast, especially since we moved back in with my family for the month. I've been unexpectedly pretty busy, mostly with seminar work. Maybe we'll use my break in December as another excuse to take advantage of my parents' hospitality, and I'll have a little more time to enjoy being "home" again. Chances are, that month will fly by just like this one did.

On another note- still don't know what caused my "episode" that landed me in the ER. It's a mystery. Here's hoping it doesn't happen again!

New developments

Well, I was at the hospital until about 5 yesterday.

Unfortunately, I transitioned from student to patient around 11:30.

It was a pretty normal day, I was following the hematologist around for the day. She was incredibly nice, and I was really excited to learn from her. As we were standing in a room of the clinic, talking to a patient about heparin-induced thrombocytopenia, I started to feel really warm. I looked over at the nurse, and she kind of looked at me funny and asked if I was OK. Apparently, I was beet red.

I left the room and went to sit down because I felt a little dizzy. The nurse took my temperature and got me some water, and then the chills started. I was shaking uncontrollably and at that point becoming a little scared. The doctor told me to call my doctor for an appointment and to go home for the rest of the day. I didn't argue. Then, the room kept starting to spin and go black, so I quickly put my head down. Plans changed, and the doctor said to get a wheelchair and take me to ER. So, there I was being wheeled to the other side of the hospital with my head between my knees, trying hard not to panic (and failing miserably). I was really too scared to be overly self-conscious.

ER was pretty uneventful. I was still feeling pretty awful, alternating between flushing and chills, but I didn't have a fever. My blood pressure was sky high, but that's kind of understandable in the situation. I saw the doctor briefly, part of which I remember, but there was nothing extraordinary. After about an hour of laying in the room by myself, wondering if everyone forgot about me (and my request to use the bathroom), I started feeling better. I eventually got up and found the bathroom anyway (they really did forget), peed in a cup, and that's when the frequent trips to the bathroom started, if you catch my drift. I felt pretty much ok after that, other than some nausea that required the acquisition of a barf bucket.

I'm at a loss. I have no idea what happened. My labs all came back normal, with the exception of an increased white count and increased bands. Looks like infection or stress from that. Some sort of gastroenteritis? Mom's been feeling kind of bad, too. Was it the protein bar I ate an hour before I felt weird? Anything to do with Celiac??

I was there for 5 and 1/2 hours. I may have talked to the doctor for a total of ten minutes, had one set of vitals, and one blood draw. It was incredibly ridiculous. Thanks to my husband and Mom for coming to keep me company. Even they were out of words for hangman by the time we left...

I have been feeling funny sometimes lately anyway. I can just be sitting down and my heart starts beating really fast and I feel short of breath. I thought it was just that I need to make sure I eat often enough, so I've been making sure to keep my blood sugar up. I was just going to let it go and maybe mention it to the doctor, but after this "episode", I'm starting to worry.

I took the day off today because I still feel bad, on and off. I've only eaten pudding and some soup. Every time I eat, I get nauseous. No more diarrhea, presumably because I've barely been eating.

I know that worrying about it only makes it worse, but it's awfully hard not to. I've spent more time sick in that past two months that I have well. I'm worried and frustrated.

I thought I was supposed to feel better at some point?!

I Think I Stink, Part 2

Ok, now I really think I stink.

It all started because of a free meal today from a drug rep. I know, I know, I'm morally against taking gifts from drug reps because I think that it contributes to the ridiculousness of drug prices (although a very small portion of the budget...), but maybe my morality in that regard will kick in once I'm getting paid something.

ANYWAY- I ordered a spinach salad with grilled chicken, bacon, eggs, and strawberries (Bob Evans style). I ate it, with the distinct idea that hey-this chicken has been marinated.

But what was I supposed to do? I was in a meeting, I had it in front of me, and I had no other options. I'd also been feeling funny all morning (shaky and short of breath), I think because I was hungry and my blood sugar was bottoming out?

Now I feel even more funny. Kind of spacey and short of breath. And I'm hungry but full. And my stomach is grumbly.

What complicates things is that I don't know how people normally feel when they've eaten something contaminated. I'm not quite sure how to tell. I feel "funny" a lot, so should I always blame it on gluten and move on, or should I go see my doctor like the little voice in the back of my head is nagging me to do?

Darn salad.

I Think I Stink

I've gotten a little lax about what I eat. Now, I'm not a total dorkface who goes around eating obvious sources of gluten, I just haven't been too careful. If I really wanted to be good, I would only eat whole foods that I know are OK. Unfortunately, life happens, and it just isn't that easy.

For example, I went to a dinner and presentation last night at a "fancier" restaurant than I'm used to. I talked to the girl who was asking which dinner I'd like at the registration table, and to my shock and awe, she understood my question about gluten (the second time I asked, but hey- she might be hard of hearing). She said she would check on it and get back to me. Salads were served. I ate mine, hoping for the best with the vinaigrette. Obviously, I passed on the rolls. After much confusion (dinner was served during the presentation, so there was a lot of murmuring going on at my table between the wait staff and myself...), I was served plain chicken breast with potatoes and cabbage-y vegetables. It was alright. At least it wasn't dry.

The biggest dilemma of the evening came at dessert. Suddenly, a caramel pecan cheesecake appeared in front of me. Graham cracker crust. I asked the server if she knew if the cheesecake had any flour in it. She looked at me kind of funny and said "Um, no, you don't put flour in cheesecake." Duh, but you never know.

Not two minutes later, she comes rushing back and says "Yes, there's flour in it, don't eat it!" I was just quick enough to have savored my first crust-avoidant bite. I was then sad and pouted for the rest of the presentation. Once it was over, some friends of mine convinced me that the cheesecake must be ok, she was probably referring to the crust. They are not Celiac experts. Most of what they know came from me.

But you know what? I believed them. I wanted to.

I love cheesecake, and I'm tired of being a freak.

I ate every bite, with the exception of a cheesecake buffer zone next to the crust.

Now today, I pretty much feel crappy. I feel like I'm in more of a daze than usual, partly from lack of sleep, and maybe from gluten??

People at "work" have been asking how I know if I've eaten something contaminated. I tell them I have no clue. Plus, I haven't really felt better enough to recognize when I'm feeling bad.

Is it because I stink at being careful?

I eat my natural flavors, chinese takeout in white sauce with a sprinkle of generic brand soy sauce (no wheat, but caramel color?? flavors?), Breyers ice cream, and other products that are not specifically gluten-free. Of course I read labels and ask questions at restaurants, I'm not asking for it, but I'm also not avoiding everything questionable.

Is it possible to balance what I should eat, what I want to eat, and not drive myself crazy by depriving myself?!

I remember...

Some brief thoughts I had this morning...

I remember when the word "terror" wasn't even part of my vocabulary. Or if it was, I was referring to my little brother.

I remember hanging out in the local airport, mesmerized by the planes coming and going, waiting impatiently at the gate to welcome Dad back from a business trip. Or later in life- an embarrassing procession of American flags and loud songs to send my favorite Schnucki back to Germany after her exchange year.

I remember when Afghanistan was another place on a map I learned in geography. Or something I covered up with while laying on the couch.

I remember feeling protected in my country, naive from growing up during peaceful times (relatively speaking).

I remember when I thought that every person must innately place some value on human life.

Today is a day of remembrance. I don't often realize how much things have changed, how much I've changed, until I think back to before. We can never go back to before.

Many thoughts, too many to dive into here.

Do you remember?

Almost Autumn

Once upon a time, I didn't like autumn. It was so depressing and hum-drum to have to go back to school after an exciting (or at least somewhat relaxing) summer off. Summer was just the ultimate.

The junior high years consisted of going to the pool and trying to find anything to do in our small town. We'd ride our bikes, eat ice cream at least once a day, play basketball in the driveway (usually against my friend Kevin and my lil bro... I lost a lot), and have campouts in the backyard. In high school it was mostly community theatre musicals and my first summer job at the ice cream shoppe. College summers were great for moving home, mooching off the parents, eating anything but cafeteria food, and finally making some money (although not much) from pharmacy jobs. One summer, I spent an entire month in Germany working at an English Camp. Great memories. All of these experiences led me to falsely believe that summer is definitely the best time of year!

Now that I've spent my past two summers in grad school, the ideal of summer has become somewhat tarnished. Summer is hot. As much as I love to be outside, there is nothing better than your own A/Ced house on a day that's pushing 100 degrees. Most of the things I loved about summer (lack of school being the most significant) have fallen by the wayside. I think I may have gone swimming twice this summer. Theatre is sadly a thing of the past. It just didn't have that giddy, sunny summer feel.

Thus, I have come to the realization that fall is my favorite time of year. I can smell it already. I opened up the house today as I cleaned, and the breeze was wonderful. It's not just the weather- I also love football. I had college football on the TV all day today. (By the way, did anyone else see Appalachian State beat Michigan? Hilarity!). I'm actually kind of sad that I'm missing the UT game I can currently hear... Could've gotten in for free if I'd had someone to go with. Eh, too many drunk people to deal with. Got puked on at the last one I went to. ANYWAY, back to the point. Football, leaves turning, apples, bonfires, pumpkins, hayrides, I pretty much love it all.

Koala Crisp and pizza cravings

Two things:
1. Koala Crisp- another EnviroKidz cereal (like P.B.P.P.s from last post). My first reaction was "eh". Not like Canadian "eh?", but "eh" as in mediocre. Kind of a cross between Rice Krispies and Cocoa Pebbles, but not as sweet and more crunchy. However- I decided to make Koala Crisp Treats, along the lines of the Cocoa Pebbles Treats I made before. They seem to lend well to the marshmallowy-ness because they are less sweet. I don't know if Koala Crisp will become a breakfast staple, but I think I'll buy it again to make Treats out of.

2. Pizza- I was never one to crave pizza. All of the subpar "free pizza" I'd eaten throughout my college years had left me kind of sick of the idea. I'd enjoy some homemade pizza every once in awhile, often with a pita as crust, but it wasn't usually something I'd go crazy for. But, as we all know, you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. I hadn't had pizza in a month or two until we went on vacation last month (and I haven't since). My lovely mom bought me Kinnikinnick 7-inch pizza crusts. I was pleasantly surprised, as my last pizza crust attempt failed miserably. The only downfalls would be that they are hard to find (I have to go to a specialty health food store that is kind of far away) and that they are pretty expensive (about $7.50 or so for 4). Regardless, I'm definitely buying some the next time I have a chance!

Peanut Butter Panda Puffs

Try saying it ten times fast, it's kinda fun! Anyway, I tried this new cereal (actually found it at the supermarket in the organic section, go figure). It's really pretty good! It makes for a nice breakfast as I'm whizzing down the highway to the hospital at 6:45 every morning. I'm just glad for something new. Thank you to Liz at Kill.The.Gluten for posting about cereal!

I've again done a terrible job at updating this. I don't know how real bloggers do it. I've been on a computer pretty much all day long working on projects and spending tedious hours on PubMed, and I still have to work up my presentation for tomorrow. Yay for becoming more nearsighted!

I ate Thai Kitchen noodles today for lunch- Pad Thai flavor. It was OK. It was a participant in my hodge-podge lunch of whatever I could throw in my Toy Story lunchbox. I think it's going to be soup tomorrow, even though it's 95 degrees outside.

Maybe I ought to write about something other than food. Maybe I would write more... Only no one wants to hear me rant, and that's probably what it would be. Pet peeves and such. Like people who mistake my "assured clear distance" for an engraved invitation to cut in front of me on the highway. I'm reminded of why I like living in the country better.

Adios for now. I'm off to go review potassium and magnesium imbalances. Fun!

Ramblings

I'm not doing so hot with the regular postings, so I apologize if anyone has been repeatedly checking the blog, anxious to hear whatever I have to say next (ha!). I've been relatively busy at the hospital, long days, but I have learned a lot so far and hope to continue learning as much as I can. Haven't had a whole lot of homework so far, which is amazing, I'm not used to mostly free evenings! Of course, a chunk of my evening is occupied by food- trying to figure out what in the world we're going to have for supper, then coming up with a lunch plan for the next day.

I really think that planning ahead would be a great idea, but for some reason that's hard for me to do. I'm never sure when I'm going to get to the store, and I'm bound to forget something, then not feel like having what the schedule says to have. What a dilemma. I'm sure I'm the only person in the world with that problem (insert sarcasm here).

I ate a lot of rice this week. Heck, I always eat a lot of rice. I pretty much love it. But I don't want to depend on it too much. I ate Fruit Roll Ups too. Why? Because I could. I think. Betty Crocker does a pretty poor job of providing gluten information.

Anyway, what is my point of this rambling post? I don't particularly have one. I was thinking that I ought to update on some GF products. My personal new favorite- Pamela's Chocolate Chunk Cookies. Mom bought some for me before vacation. Waaaay better than my cookie baking attempt. Kinda sad, eh? My freshly baked cookies couldn't even compare to storebought boxed cookies? Ok, enough with the food talk. I'm getting hungry.

Actually, that's the story of my life the last couple of days. Besides that I think I'm finally starting to feel a bit better (albeit tired), I have been STARVING constantly. Almost anything sounds good. All the time. Maybe my body's just trying to compensate for not eating much the last couple of weeks. Curious.

I'm back.

Hi there. Just got back from vacation. It was a good time, and I went prepared with plenty of GF snacks. I figured that was the key, since eating out gets kinda complicated. We ate out, presumably successfully, a few times with only one abysmal failure (not in the GF department, but the food was expensive and gross).

I can't really give an update on how I feel at the moment, considering that I have been feeling yucky since last week. Some sort of bug, I don't know. I have finally started to feel better today, no fever (as far as I can tell). I start my first rotation tomorrow, so I'm hoping for the best.

My next challenge is figuring out how to pack a good GF lunch. I'll be at the hospital all day from now on, and I'm wondering what I'm going to pack. I got very used to coming home in between classes to eat lunch. It was a pretty familiar routine- ride my bike back like the wind, get home at 11, turn on Gilmore Girls rerun, raid the fridge and cook myself a decent lunch. It was usually something simple like spaghetti (pre-GF days), or sometimes an experiment (leftover taco meat with rice and cheese?), and scurry back to school by 12. Or 12:05.

Anyway. I'm at a loss for what to pack tomorrow. I specifically made leftovers of our supper tonight so that my dear hubby has something for lunch tomorrow. I was so proud that I thought ahead. Except- I forgot to include myself in the lunch picture!

Ok, I'm off to try and get everything around for tomorrow. I don't feel like I really know anything, but I'm trying not to worry too much about it. Wish me luck!

Hmm...

So I've been making phone calls like it's my job. I had to call the doctor a few times (they're pawning me off to a dietitian), call the dietitian, call the insurance a bunch of times, and then call the dietitian back to cancel the appointment, after a bunch of phone calls to find the number again after losing it. Why? Because a dietetic consult is not covered under my diagnosis. They will cover it for diabetes and that's all. Even though my condition is solely managed by dietary intervention, it's not covered. I didn't really feel the need to meet with a dietitian in the first place, but what about all the other people just being diagnosed with Celiac? Hmm... guess I'll just keep going it alone.

Another thing- I'm wondering if I'm still anemic. I'm wondering if that is why I don't feel much better. Unfortunately, the doctor just put me on some Prevacid because he thinks that my weird abdominal pain/swallowing issues are acid-related. Low acid makes it even harder to absorb iron, so I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. Maybe I should just ask my family doc to check my hemoglobin. Hmm...

Are you feeling better now?

I've gotten this question a few times, and I'm never sure what to say. I don't want to lie and pretend that everything is hunky-dory, but I don't want to be Debbie Downer (btw- great SNL sketch) and tell the truth. To my disappointment, I actually don't feel that great. I oftentimes feel worse than I did before going GF. Right now, I'm having some very uhh... unique pains in my esophagus/stomach, especially when I eat or drink. There has never been pain before. I think I'm going to call the Dr. about it tomorrow. I'm still tired all the time and the depression/anxiety has been a roller coaster ride. My esophagus feels "tight" at random times, as before. Just when I think I'm starting to feel a tad better, I crash and am right back where I started.

I know that it takes a long time to heal from Celiac, and I know it can take at least 6 months to replenish iron stores, but I'm starting to feel a little discouraged. I read other people's stories about how they felt better within days of being GF. It's been about a month now, what's up?!

Update

I don't have too much to update on. I haven't tried anything too crazy lately. I did try to eat at Red Robin, but I think I'm a dork and their BBQ sauce was bad for me. Guess I'll just have to stick to Mom's homemade BBQ... Mmmm...

I'm mostly just trying to get done with school for the moment and have a little break here. I might try making some Cocoa Pebbles Treats (like Rice Krispies, but the darn manufacturer has to put malt flavoring in them...). Thanks to "kill the gluten" for that idea, and thanks to Mom for giving me Cocoa Pebbles. Oh- and thanks to the guy at Meijer who told me where the marshmallows were after walking through the store three times. Ok, I'm off to make them now. Update in a bit.

Update: Wow, way yummy. I almost think they're better than Rice Krispie Treats. (btw- is the singular form Krispie or Krispy? didn't learn that in English class...) I had to stop after about one and a half squares, mostly because it was major sugar overload. And you know that if I think it's really sweet, it must be pretty darn sweet.

Yum.

Ode to Pamela's Products

Pamela- you are my new bestest friend. You have brought decent chocolate cake into my gluten-free existence. I just want you to know that... I love you. And now- an ode to Pamela.

Who could make me, in the middle of the night,
Boot up my laptop 'cause I just have to write?
Pamela.
Who makes cake mix, add in some sour cream,
That makes me hope I'm not in a dream?
Pamela.
Who makes me feel, in my gluten-free world,
That not every GF product will cause me to hurl?
Pamela.

Anyway- I was still in a baking mood after my pizza crust turned out so-so. Thus, in a spirit of procrastination, I whipped up the cake mix I'd been wanting to try (Pamela's Products Chocolate Cake Mix). As my eyes scanned the colorful package, I noticed a recipe for ultra-rich cake with sour cream. Sounds like a winner! So with only four other ingredients (one was water, does that even count?), I baked a cake.

Good news- it's good. Better news- the batter was good :) Texture is somewhat in between that of cake and a brownie, but acceptable.

I remember the last real cake I made, right before I went GF. I'd been looking through my cupboards for all the things I would have to get rid of, and found the chocolate cake and matching frosting I'd been saving for a cake-requiring occasion. I decided to make it that night, wouldn't want it to go to waste... I remember savoring every moment of stirring, spatulating, and licking the beaters of the wonderful chocolateness, anticipating that this time would be the last. Lo and behold, I needn't have worried.

Thank you, Pamela.

Pizza?

Not really sure how to rate this one- Gluten Free Pantry's French Bread/ Pizza Crust Mix. I tried making pizza crust. Instructions were pretty vague. It took awhile to mix up all the different ingredients, then let it rise, etc. So an hour after I started mixing, I was valiantly trying to spread the dough into two baking sheets. Sticky, gooey mess. I was going to make two crusts, and I had plenty of dough, but I couldn't spread it thin enough to use two sheets. So I finally globbed it all onto one pan in a relatively uniform fashion...

Baking was fairly successful, lots of expansion, and I ended up with a large rectangular loaf of bread. Giving it the benefit of the doubt, I cut part of it off, added pizza toppings, and baked some more. If I'd been trying to bake a fluffy loaf of bread, I probably would have been happy. However, it was pretty squishy as pizza. Tasted good, good substitute for bread maybe, but pizza? Nope. Not how I made it. I'm guessing there's plenty I could do next time to change it, try to make it thinner, use some rice flour to make it less sticky. We'll see if I try it again.

I think it's continuing to expand in my stomach.

Bread of Life?

Foods for Life GF bread: 4-5, depending on the type. Bread comes frozen, and it's pretty expensive, about $5.50 at Kroger. The rice bread gets a 4. Mom gave it a big thumbs-down. I think it's ok, doesn't taste like much, kinda dry, and it falls apart, but it does the job. The Rice Almond bread however, is pretty good. A little sweeter and it holds together better.

Just don't try to make a sandwich with it- it is very dense and just doesn't work. I prefer it toasted to thaw it, then some PB or J or PB&J. Good with coffee for breakfast! Although I may be biased, breakfast is hard to come by unless I'm ambitious and feel like eggs, or I feel like gagging down a Glutino bar... right... Gone are the lazy days of a granola bar in my first class!

On another note- yesterday was interesting because I had a meeting that included free pizza. Good pizza too, deep dish, the kind we used to get with the other TAs that I love. I tried very hard not to sulk as I shoveled in my leftover chicken and rice. Thankfully, I did have the foresight to pack my own lunch in the first place...

Because I Can

Just had to post in honor of my lovely mom :) She is trying this GF "adventure" as well, and we've nicknamed it the "Because I Can" Diet. Basically, you eat things that you wouldn't normally, especially if you were trying to have a normal healthy diet. For example- I think I've had a hot fudge sundae with her homemade hot fudge about every day this week. Why? Because I can!

I tried making cookies (see previous post) last weekend. I used to make cookies all the time, but it's been awhile at the moment. Why go back to making cookies? Because I can. And then I'm a little disappointed with the results, but nevermind that...

I eat a lot of tortilla chips, with salsa, Skyline dip, etc., when I would have probably gone for crackers and cheese in the past. Well, it's mostly because I can.

Ok, time for one of those amazing hot fudge sundaes!!

Labs

Ok, should be studying for my test in two hours, but I just looked at my lab test results online. Unless I'm wrong- it looks very positive for Celiac. My IgA was in the normal range (proving I'm not IgA deficient), and my TTG was 58. Normal is 5-8 (yes, there's a dash there). So unless I'm an idiot and can't read lab tests, I am absolutely, positively Celiac.

Pretty unusual lab tests (the lady at the lab was a little confused by the order at first), but I should be used to reading labs by now, right? I did really well somehow on my big exam last week, which was a good portion on labs. We're all not really sure how we did as well as we did (sharp curve?), but I'm just happy for a good result after a strenuous test!

Now I'm off to study for the next one and hope that I can remember hematology lab tests... and diagnoses... and treatment regimens... wish me luck!

I'm a critic... of food.

I think my weekend was successful in the gluten-free arena. I was gone most of the weekend, and still managed to do ok. As far as I know. I didn't feel very good after supper on Friday- I think maybe because of contaminated brown sugar? I remembered later that I had put a piece of bread in the canister to soften it up awhile ago. Duh.

I guess every time I don't feel very well, I'm going to instantly over-evaluate everything I've eaten. Welcome to Celiac!

I have updates on some gluten-free products. If you don't care, that's fine, I just want to keep track of what to buy in the future... I think I need to invent a rating scale, stars are too boring... On a scale of one to five:

1= Cardboard. Or whatever equivalent non-edible substance it resembles.
2= Ugh. Maybe if we were stranded together on a desert island...
3= OK, borderline. Maybe if it's on sale?
4= Good. That's all.
5= Stellar. Now a pantry staple.

Gluten-free Pantry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix: 2- tasted alright, but texture was questionable. It was like eating an OK cookie, followed by having sand stuck in your teeth when you were done. They also were very very thin. They'll work in a pinch, but definitely not something I'd crave.

Glutino's Breakfast Bars: 1- Absolutely dreadful. Almost had a pumpkiny smell? Chewy, weird texture, but the real issue was the taste. Plus, I hate raisins, and both the crust and the filling had raisins ground up in them. Basically, I'm glad these came free with an order, I would feel really bad if money had been paid.

Celiac is really expensive.

Wow. I had no idea Celiac would be so expensive. It's more expensive to eat healthier anyway (fruit costs more than fries...), and GF alternatives are pretty pricey.

Still, the biggest expense? The diagnosis. I just got the bills for the EGD, etc. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have insurance. We have really good insurance, and it's still making our already tight budget about to strangle us. I got the bill and thought hmm... that's a lot. Oh well, we can handle it. Little did I know that more was coming! I opened the mail yesterday, and there was another bill with a notice that essentially said: Oh, by the way, the doctors and the endoscopy center bill separately...just thought you should know... Frustration.

Ok, enough ranting. Just needed to get that off my chest. More later, hopefully something happy after my big test that I'm avoiding studying for. Wish me luck!

This one's for the buttmunch...

Guess what I'm making: Skyline Dip!!

Just found out that Skyline chili is gluten-free, and so are the other accompaniments (cream cheese, cheddar, tortilla chips). Obviously not the most figure-friendly recipe, but oh so good, and it brings back memories of living in The Palace apartment with my bestest buttmunch :). Yay!

I'm thinking of trying chocolate chip cookie mix, but it's getting too late for that tonight. Huge exam on Thursday, maybe after that?

How have I done?

Not real sure exactly how well I've done at being GF. I could be hypervigilant about it, and eat nothing that's even questionable... but then I would never eat. Seriously- try it for a day and let me know what you think after reading the label on every bite that goes into your mouth. Including gum. And don't forget the envelopes and postage stamps.

Have you ever noticed how many products have natural flavors? Caramel coloring? Vanilla flavor? Vinegar? Modified food starch? Maltodextrin? All these ingredients and many more could have gluten in them. Usually, if they are produced in the US, they are processed with corn or potato ingredients (as opposed to wheat), but apparently you have to be careful. I'm not about to contact every company before I put anything in my mouth, but I'm trying to not be an idiot here and blindly think that all products are ok.

Plus, contacting companies is less than fruitful, not to mention frustrating. I've already tried a few... Even though I spell out exactly what I want to know and why, I get such stupid answers. I'm not writing to you because it's fun and I enjoy it- I need information. Wheat does not equal gluten. Allergy information and reading labels are not enough. You just can't tell.

I guess I might as well get used to it.

Lessons...

Ok, now it's time for a little science and history lesson. I would write objectives for it, but I'm not quite that big of a dork. Maybe I am for thinking of doing that in the first place. ANYWAY: What is Celiac Disease?

Celiac is NOT:

• wheat gluten attacking your GI tract
• an "allergy" to wheat

Celiac is: an autoimmune disease in which your body mounts an immune response to the presence of wheat gluten in your diet. This immune response can cause damage to the GI tract, especially the villi of the small intestine. This can cause varying, nonspecific symptoms, many from malabsorption. It's estimated that 1 in 133 people has Celiac disease, though Celiac is often overlooked or misdiagnosed. For more info, visit here.

How in the world did I find out that I have it?

I've been feeling generally "bad" for years. I'm not sure when it started, somewhat as far back as I can remember. I was really sick as a little kid with major GI issues, but I guess I "grew out of it." I've been tired all the time, no matter what the situation, just different degrees of tired according to how much sleep I get. I was anemic according to blood tests about two years ago, with no real reason as to why. I took iron supplements, and it sort of helped. I started to notice last summer that I had pressure in my chest and it was hard to swallow sometimes. It would come and go randomly. My doctor said that it was GERD and gave me a PPI to take. I stopped coffee, chocolate, tea, anything that aggravates GERD. No difference. I've had, uh, other GI symptoms as well. Although they were annoying, I just wrote it off, thinking i was a hypochondriac and it was related to anxiety.

The anxiety was a whole different monster in itself, accompanied by depression. Not exactly sure when that started, but that was the big factor that made me realize that something was indeed wrong. After my first referral to a GI doc fell through, I eventually scheduled an appointment with a different group of GI docs. It was 5 months from the time I scheduled it to when it actually happened. I considered canceling many times for various reasons. I was feeling OK. It wasn't like I was dying. It was all in my head, and I didn't want to pay money to have a doctor tell me that. Regardless, I went to the appointment.

Coincidentally, the weekend before the appointment, I went to see my family doctor about a weird sort of rash on my toes. I noticed some itchy blistering on the tops of my toes. I thought yuck, this is a pretty nasty fungus and it's in a very weird place on my toes, and started using an antifungal cream. Yeah, that made it much worse. Doc took a biopsy and put me on an antibiotic (What? I don't contribute to antibiotic resistance!). Long story short(er), the GI doc later that week asked to look at my toes. Huh?! Yes, apparently that's a pretty common inflammatory manifestation of Celiac Disease, itchy blisters. Go figure. That contributed to his idea that it just might be Celiac.

Well, the biopsy is in (I don't recommend it...), and the blood tests are to come, but I am convinced I'm Celiac. If you know anyone else that you think of after reading this- bring it up!

Biopsy, etc.

By the way, the biopsy results came back positive for Celiac, but the Dr. wants TTG and IgA blood tests before he'll diagnose me because the biopsy is apparently nonspecific (meaning it could indicate a few other things as well, such as infection...?!). What's up with that?? In my professional (ahem) opinion, the blood tests should be used more as screening tools, with biopsy as confirmation. Did I go through that less-than-pleasant EGD for nothing?!

Waffles!

Typical Saturday morning: We sleep till whenever. He gets up, I wallow in bed for awhile. Then, I make waffles. (Pronounced wa-flees in my house).

That's just how it goes. Now today, I was a little nervous about GF waffles. Sounds a bit difficult to me. Thanks to my lovely mother, who bought me GF baking mix, I was surprised and impressed. Only one slight substitution (milk instead of water), and it was really good. Pair that with some peaches and pecans. Yum.

Of course, this experiment took about a half hour versus the five minutes it normally takes. I made two separate batches of batter, one for me and one for him, and had to carefully clean the waffle iron before and after. He has told me that he's willing to eat whatever I have to eat, which would makes things easier, but I'm too cheap to make him waffles from the $5.99 box instead of the perfectly good $2.00 box.

So anyway, once I get the hang of this separate batters thing, I think we're going to be eating a lot of waffles.

Today

Mom is coming up tonight to help me go through my pantry, fridge, freezer, etc. I figure I'll never get around to it by myself, it's always easier with someone else! I'm very glad for the moral support. I love food too much, and restricting myself is going to be difficult anyway.

I was always the kid that begged for home-cooked food after weeks of disgusting dorm mush. Even if I didn't love my parents and my brother and go home to see them all the time, I still would have gone home just for the food. I'd go to an event with free "real" food, and come home giddy. I'm an emotional eater- such that food almost always improves my emotions. Who would have known that all this time, food was the enemy. Gluten was the evil villain making me feel so awful. And all this time, I thought it was all in my head.

Still waiting for the biopsy results to make it official, but I'm convinced I'm Celiac. It just makes too much sense. More to come with my history, what led up to all this. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat, just waiting :)

Departure Date

With every journey comes the initial departure. Some are spontaneous, usually short-lived. Others require careful planning and readiness for long-term success.

Departure date is set for tomorrow. I will document my journey here. I pray for God's blessing and assistance in advance.

Where am I going, you may ask? What location holds such importance in my life, that it may very well change my life?

The land of the gluten-free.

Much remains to be told. Why am I doing this? Where did this concept come from? How am I going to do it? I hope and pray that, by my story, you are informed and encouraged. This is not going to be an easy road for me, but the potential benefits are just too obvious to pass up. I'm counting on you, my friends, family, and whoever else stumbles upon this, to keep me accountable and encourage me. I have a feeling I might need it.